integrity: the seed of trust and truth

it is monday afternoon. i have approximately 45 minutes to come up with a blog post before i get to move on with my day and do other important things. i need to write this blog post... because i said i would.

and!

i feel like i have nothing to say. i often feel that way about my contribution to the world or about the thoughts swirling in my lil brain. not. enough.

before i practiced integrity, i would gladly forgo this task, convince myself that "it doesn't matter if i do a dang blog post", "nobody reads my blog anyway" (to all four of you who do, you are EVERYTHING to me, my brain is just silly like that) and "if i rush through this whatever i come up with will not even be good anyways so why waste the time". well... because i said i would.

my word is the only thing that can tether my intention to the world around me. people, knowingly or not, look to my word to see if they can trust me. do i show up at 6pm when i say i will show up at 6pm? do i call by monday like i promised? what does it mean to be someone in the world who is known to be reliable and follow through, when they open their mouth? what is my opinion of myself then?

integrity and trust are inseparable friends. especially when it comes to relationships (including, most importantly, the one i have with me). i can believe in me when i say i'm waking up at 8 tomorrow. or that i am getting out of debt this year. or that i will move cities in the spring. or that i will create the boundaries needed for that healthy relationship i want. by doing what i said i would, even when i would rather not i am building up the confidence that is needed to believe in myself.

when i stand for "I can follow through everywhere" (meaning, i hold that it is possible to do so), every conversation and excuse that might get in the way (example: i don't have anything of value to write today) becomes something i can question, and not regard as the Truth.

so i'm showing up today, in my nothing-to-sayness (read, my ego isn't inflated about how grand my writing can be) and perhaps this will amount to the most authentic post i've created to date. maybe not. good thing my commitment is to be intimate, not perfect.

(and i got to discover this old gem of a photo. integrity is full of gifts).