radical thought: there is nothing i need to do to be worthy of life.
here and now are also direction, coordinates.
what would you choose differently if you are already worthy?
look around.
what would be different, gentler, unrecognizable about your surroundings?
what would stay, what would go...
i'm working on surrendering everything that screams "look at me! i am lovable! i belong!" (clearly all of those are exclamations). i am letting things bloom that know. i deserve to be here.
we all do.
some indigenous and spiritual traditions believe that the purpose of our life is to experience it. producing is a byproduct of a living organism, not its end goal. as i sit here, cozy on my couch creating content for the internet i ponder this notion. i feel my fuzzy blanket that was a gift from someone i love. i notice my heart and the scent of an incense also sourced by a loved one that brings me to a rainforest, in my living room. it tickles my throat and my heart.
i already knew i loved these things, but i don't know that i had experienced them like this before. fully; lovingly; unattached to what they can do for me, and present to what they already give.
to be honest, they always felt like instruments for me to do my best work. tools to create the perfect conditions for me to thrive. but isn't being alive a form of thrival? isn't it a fact that the bizarre odds that allow me to be here, in a body in Brooklyn NY, is life screaming look at me go! and a masterpiece onto itself?
and yes... work can be sacred. i just don't feel too keen on subscribing to the idea it is what i'm on this planet for. i'm not here to make music that shakes the earth. i'm not here to change the world through my coaching. i'm not here to teach or learn something. i release myself of the burden to make meaning of (aka find worth to) my existence. and even though these things will likely happen (damn, i hope they do!) i choose to believe i am simply here because i am.
doesn't that sound a bit like heaven to you?
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